O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
