Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
