i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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