Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
