i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
not ubering you a puppy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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