Need sex. Gaining weight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
