I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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