I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
