they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
