i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We need to rekindle our bromance
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
