one two three fourrrrnication!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
