I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
