I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
