wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
