Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
