just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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