Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
