how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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