there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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