Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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