I'm eating all of the evidence.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
