I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
