i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
