i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
