I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
