Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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