Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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