I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
