So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Too much gin, very little bucket
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i've created a new STD.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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