Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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