last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
