He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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