Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
