I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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