You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
