i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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