look no pants
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
