I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
