Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
