As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
