We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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