3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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