I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
please come you make the beer taste better
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
