If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
