I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
