my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
