The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
