I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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