You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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