Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is Oprah even human
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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