I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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