We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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