And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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