Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
