I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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