so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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