I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
