the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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