My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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