Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
