I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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