sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
