Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
