I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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