sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
