I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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