Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
how drunk are you?
Several
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
