Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
