I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
