Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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