i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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