yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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