At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
