I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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