I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
