Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
