We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
