My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
